i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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