got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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