i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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