So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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