well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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