Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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