Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
