everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
