I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
