i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
