I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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