i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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