Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
