I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
