im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
