i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
