I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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