That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
