i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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