if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
