This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
