Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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