dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
