ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize