it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize