Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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