I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
