My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
