at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
