I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
