Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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