I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
