At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We got so high we made milksteak
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
