I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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