Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
