I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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