He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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