I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The air taste purple.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
