just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
