Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
