we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
