I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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