i don't like sucking hair
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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