Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're so committed to being not committed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
