i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize