If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
