im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
