My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
