puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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