and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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