this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
