Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
