Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize