i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
