oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
