you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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