The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
