Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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