I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize