That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
