i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
