Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
