the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
