i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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