one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
