I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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