Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize