Someone shit on the floor
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
