Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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