Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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