Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
