Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
