There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
