She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
