Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
