I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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